Change

Recently I was facebooking and I came across the feature that lets you see all the people who went to high school with me. I started looking and I found a few people that I haven't talked to in years. I remember last night while I was on I was watching an interview with Michael Phelps and he said that he was made fun of in school and now people who didn't talk to him or made fun of him are adding him on facebook and want to be friends now because he is famous. That made me think about my days in public school. I wasn't really a loser, but I don't think I was that cool I knew a lot of people, but not really any close close friends besides the few I still talk to. I wonder if people from school saw me and my life now would they see a change in me. Would they be able to stand out of the crowd now? In middle school I was made fun of a lot I really don't know why, maybe because of my ADD personality or the way I looked or dressed. I tried so hard to fit in!

I want to be different from who I was in high school, maybe you weren't the coolest kid in school either. Who are you now? What have you become? When I was searching old people I knew most all of them had gone to the same local college and their pictures they are still partying every weekend and still with the same high school friends, and still working at the same place they did in high school.... When I think back now if I really care about what they think about me now I would have to say not really because I have changed and moved away from that old life. It makes me so glad that God doesn't care about how I look or how I dress or the fact that sometimes what I say is completely random and pointless and I can't explain why. He doesn't think I am a loser and that is the best feeling in the world!

I ask you who are you are you still the same person? Some say that people never change, but what if its a good change? Prove those people wrong be someone be who you are and if you don't like who you are then be someone God wants you to be and you can't go wrong..

Zaba's

Zaba's is a great place to eat with the family the people who work there are really cool and make you feel welcome. I always get the steak burrito with Guacamole in it its so delicious. the burritos weigh like around 2 pounds, 2 pounds of amazingness!

I am a consumer

I don't know what it is, but having a credit card has made me want to buy things more often as most people do. I have only had my credit card for about a year and a half now and have spent almost 10,000 dollars on it with just random items such as gas and food and clothes and recently a new guitar and golf clubs and shoes. That is just my credit card I also have the other one that good ol' debit card just to switch it up every now and then. I can't stop myself from getting the things that I want this moment. I am not the most patient person in the world and I figure that if i don't get it now then I will talk myself out of it so I just got get it NOW! Don't mistake me for someone who has a lot of money I have very little and with that credit card I end up spending more that I have in the bank at the time.

What is it about having things that makes us feel good? I always feel great right after I come home with a new purchase especially if its impressive and I got a pretty good deal on it. I look at my closet and say to myself I don't really have that much good clothes or they are old. But if you looked at my closet you would probably say I have plenty. I am a consumer I enjoy making purchases and this credit card is not really helping at all.

Is it bad to buy things? What do you think? God has blessed me with a life in a good country where things are easily mine if I want it I can get it! That mentality has made our people believe we are the greatest and are better than the other countries because what we have.

If we have the money why not? Think about the money you spend every week on eating out, driving around, going to the movies, playing golf, or making a trip to Walmart and spending more than you originally intended and more than you had in the bank.

I wonder sometimes what God thinks about our consumerism. Does he care if we get nice things as long as they don't come between our relationship?

I'll leave you with this from Matthew 6:19... "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

17 and Homeless

This 17 year old kid walks over to us after getting off of the Max and asks us for a cigarette. We told him we didn't have any and expected him to walk about because he didn't get want he wanted. Instead he asked us what we were reading and I said the Bible. He tells us he doesn't believe what the Bible has to say and after explaining why I knew he didn't know much of anything that was in there because he told us the old and new testaments are pretty much exactly the same and both worthless. Ashleigh and I gave it our best shot at explaining the differences and the sacrifice Jesus made, but he really didn't understand or care much about what we had to say.

We started getting off topic of God and just about life and he told us he was living with this street family and doing anything that would make him feel good. Homeless at 17 I just thought to myself, how blessed am I? I have a place to stay a good family and a car and go to a nice school. God has been so good to me! The next thing I felt was compassion this kid was really rough and his language would have made my mom cry, but deep inside this street kid there was a soul just like mine who desperately needed Jesus.

I didn't have much money, but I asked him if he had eaten today and he said no. So I took him to the mall which was right next to the park and he picked out some food. It wasn't cheap let me tell you, but it was worth it to see him eat that huge thing of chinese food because he was so hungry. We sat and talked with him a while longer while he ate his food then we had to leave him because our Max train pulled up. Who knows where that kid is now...

Its just amazing to me to see how God takes a person like me and uses me to talk to people about God I think Ashleigh feels the same way about it. We both didn't want to do what we were there for, but God used us anyways and hopefully that kid was blessed by God that day.

Not Ready...

A little over two weeks ago our group went to Portland Oregon for a camp for high school teens. I have been 3 times before in my high school days and I have always taken something great back from each year. This year it was different it was our first time in Portland and we had a very very small group of teens willing to do this camp. Our purpose is to be able to tell others about Christ. Acronym, Youth Wave stands for Youth With A Vision for Evangelism, pretty much explains itself.

Everyday we had a training session a grueling two and a half hours of session it was pretty intense and then after lunch they would send us out! We were taken to the Max station (Portland public trans) and we would ride until we reached our destination. This was really hard to do I knew I needed to talk to people on the streets about God but it was just soo hard! I really didn't know what to say. I was trying to tell people about God with out tapping into God's knowledge, instead using my own knowhow. Didn't work!

So me and my friend from college were in the park on our last day out and our group decided to give free hugs. I was not very pleased with the decision it sounded a little sketchy to me and anyone would want a hug from me when I really didn't want to hug them. So eventually our group split up and did our own thing the huggers went to one area and everyone else spread out. I thought finally now we can do God's work! Didn't happen I tried to talk to people but they seemed too busy. Frustrated and tired me and Ashleigh sat down at a park picnic table to just rest and relax. We talked about how neither of us wanted to be here it just seemed so awkward and frustrating. After a while of talking I reached a breaking point where I told myself we need to stop sitting around and do something.

I prayed a prayer for God to bring people to us instead of us finding them. Then out of no where and me being random a though burst into my mind that I should read a book of the Bible out loud. Within 1 minute a 17 year old boy came to us asking for a cigarette.


To see what happened next read next blog!

Why Worry

I am listening to All American Rejects right now and it reminds me of high school because that is when they started to get more well known. Those days I would go to class all day and get out early because I had early release. Me and my friends would cruise around in my friend Dan's old Buick it was pretty much a piece of junk but we had a great time just driving around to places without a care in the world at the time... We used to listen to The All American Rejects all the time when we drove around aimlessly to the beach and such. Listening to that song now reminds me of how things change over time. I don't ever hang out with that crowd anymore and I don't really know whatever happened to Dan, last I heard someone saw him passed out on a bench at the mall. Some people don't want to change some people want to live as if there is no worries at all. Lately I have come to the conclusion that life is really hard. Well I mean I have started knowing this years ago when I graduated from high school which was a piece of cake by the way. Then Starting college across the country I have found that I can't rely on my own ways to handle big things in my life. I have learned that its impossible to keep it together and do everything myself.

Recently I had to go home to California to get all of my nursing stuff together and it is due Today! We were gone on trips for two weeks straight and I was not here to take care of this stuff and really didn't worry about it until its almost too late which is what I find myself doing a lot. This is called "Procrastination" and its what drives me to not do anything and then do it all at the last minute. I would not recommend this at all. Do it soon get it done! Anyways it didn't really hit me until I had about 7 days to get this all done. So I frantically called a bunch of doctors in the area and they wanted to charge me 500 dollars for everything to get done because they did not cover my insurance in Vegas. So I prayed about it long and hard and gave God my worries and then I called my home doctor and my mom and they put me in a appointment the very next day! I was so relieved and everything I needed to do and was so stressed about melted away... This is just an example of the power of prayer and the power of our almighty God who takes away our burdens. So if you are troubled and have burdens on your heart send them God's way for he knows what to do with them.

The Battle for a man's Heart

A man's heart was not made for this sit up straight sit still and shut up society that we have created. Did you know that boy's are 3-4 times more likely to be diagnosed with ADD or ADHD than girl? Is that just a coincidence or is there another reason for things being that way? Eldredge says that we are rewarded in our classrooms growing up for what I like to call 'statue' behavior and that is sad. Boy's are designed for more physical activities which use more muscle movements and in our society they are punished for it. I do though believe in a good education, but why can't we be allowed to fidget in our seat teacher! 

This part may shock you, but in this chapter Eldredge tells us of one incidence where a boy's manhood was actually and physically stripped of him. This case takes place in the 70's where a baby boy who had surgery and the surgeons accidentally removed his penis! That might not be the part that shocked you just wait. After the penis was accidentally removed the doctors had this great plan to give the boy a sex change!!!! I could not believe when I read this part, I was furious and shocked! The doctors simply said what's the difference male or female what's the difference? they are interchangeable they said. This is an extreme example of our society believing that we shape a mans heart and to a point it does, but God had plans for that boy and every boy that is unlike the opposite sex. That boy will never understand what it's like to really be a man now because those people took that away from him. 

The Wound

This is a good chapter in this book and many people can relate to this. Eldredge gives examples of families who's son's grow up wounded. By wounded he means wasn't given direction from one parent or the other. When we are young we need the love and nurturing from our mothers they are kind and gentle to us and make us feel special. He relates the love of a mother as the closest love we can experience to God's love for us. So as we are young growing up we need our mothers tender loving care, but there becomes a point in a man's life where he needs to stop being a boy and become a man and that is where the father takes over.

Our fathers need to take us under their wing when we start boyhood so that we can start our journey to become a man. The father needs to teach us to play catch and throw a curve ball and take us hunting and fishing and possibly teach us a trade like carpentry like Jesus' father did. This is an essential time in a boy's life because he needs to be around men, if he doesn't he will never know what it's like to be a man. The father position doe's not have to be specifically with the biological father says Eldredge, but a boy needs to have some sort of male influence in his life someone to show him the ropes of being a man and receive male "manly" support and gain manly confidence from. Therefore the mother must "let go". Hopefully this will help to better understand the needs of a maturing boy/man's heart.

The Question that Haunts every Man

In this chapter Eldredge finally tells us what our greatest fear is as if we don't already know or never have realized, he says that every mans greatest fear is to be found out. What exactly does he mean "found out"? well he gives us an example of a dream he had where he was on the stage in a full house and didn't know his lines or cues! We all have these dreams where we fear of being found out and discovered we aren't who we really are. Many men put on a facade or a face that isn't who they truly are, but who they want people to think they are because they don't know who they are! For example some men are caught up in sports and they have memorized players and their stats enough to be able to sit there and talk like they know them personally! Another example is men will buy big lifted trucks and get tattoos to make people think they are big and bad, but underneath they are all "girly men" as the Governator put it and many times are more so than your average joe. This is just something to think about... how do we perceive ourselves? how do we act differently? who are we really?

The Image We Bear

In the second chapter we see how the church perceives Jesus and he is the image we bear. Eldredge gives us a few examples of people in the bible whom God has used to fight and as God uses them it may seem like he is taking risks. A few of my favorite examples are of David and how God used him a young shepherd boy and a slingshot to defeat a giant and Sampson whom uses the jaw bone of a donkey to slay one-thousand men! Those are some amazing stories that God has prevailed in. The fighting stories don't sound like a wimpy God that we have been taught to believe in, a God who is like a Mother Theresa or Mr. Rogers the God we serve is powerful and mighty and I believe that is the image of God we need to see if we are going to serve him properly!

Departure

John Eldredge begins off by sharing his experiences while he is in the wild. He tells us he is outdoors and he is trying to track down elk. Eldredge says, "There is something else I am after, out here in the wild. I am searching for an even more elusive prey... something that can only be found through the help of wilderness. I am looking for my heart." What exactly does he mean by saying that our hearts are elusive? Is he trying to say that he lost his heart while walking around in the wild and that it is somewhere running around by its own power and is no where to be found?? I think not! His quote is such a true and genuine thing to say especially today. Where is our masculine hearts?! especially in our churches... He goes on to quote Robert Bly, "Some women want a passive man if they want a man at all; the church wants a tamed man they are called priests; the university wants a domesticated man- they are called tenure-track people; the corporation wants a... sanitized, hairless, shallow man." Where are all the men? I desperately ask again.

I myself grew up with not much direction from my father in what a 'real man' is, but I grew up like most boys playing with (toy) guns even though my parents didn't quite agree. My parents thought it was too destructive and harmful to my mind to play with guns and have play fights growing up, but that is what boys and men long to do. Adventure is the word we are after and what the majority of this book is about the lost adventures of the heart. Eldredge goes on to talk about how in the beginning Adam was formed outside the garden and time and time again biblical men are found wandering the wilderness to try and find themselves. Also it was Eve that was formed in the garden which was plentiful and easy to live in and nothing like the wild where Adam was formed.

As I rap this blog up until next time I want to briefly discuss one of my favorite headers in this first chapter and it is called "A BEAUTY TO RESCUE". Eldredge talks about how men long to literally and figuratively rescue the damsel in distress and how women long to be that damsel. The women want to be pursued or they become bored and deep inside would much rather want to be with the dangerous man than a safe man... That is just something to think about if you are dealing with such times in your life where you are that safe man, all I can say is get out and explore your heart and you may find that your heart has fallen victim to the constraints of society like many other men.

Journey through a Wild Heart

 

As a man my instincts are simple; eat, work, sleep, and dream. We all have dreams that we want to be able to express and do someday with our lives. When I was a boy I wanted to be a Firefighter, a Rock Musician, a Navy Seal, Traveling the world, and go Bear hunting, and the list goes on... A boy's dream is to do something 'wild' and unsafe, but something that is free and exciting. In today's modern society a man is expected to go to college get married before you are 25, have children, be a success in earning money to support the family, and be in a church pew every Sunday. Quite frankly many men have become bored with their city lives and living in a cookie cutter mold, this tames a man and forces them to keep their desires to live the way God intended hidden.

I remember watching a movie called "Braveheart" and if you have not seen this film it is definitely worth your time. In this movie William Wallace a Scottish warrior has experienced death firsthand from his father in a battle and to make a long movie short William Wallace was a real man, starting as a boy he is what I wish I could have been as a boy. Wallace is tough, strong, and has a strong heart and doesn't let fear stop him, but he instead fights for what is right in this case breaking ties from the English and proclaiming freedom! Like William Wallace every boy and or man wants to have freedom. 

In the next few weeks will be reading a book called "Wild at Heart" by John Eldredge this book is about what God's plan for a man is and how he created us with a wild heart. We were made to be in the wilderness exploring hunting and seeing God's great creation first hand! Our God is a passionate, strong and loving God and he is no WIMP, but its sad to say even though we were created in his image we have become wimpy. Through this book I hope to discover and share what God's intension was for men and ways to get back to where my heart belongs.